Moony Knows It All
by ForeverLily
Summary: Moony knows it all...almost. He can charm your parchment to sing, transfigure your hair into snakes, and can quote Hogwarts a history on demand. But he did not know that one stray thought would lead to him finally taking revenge on his best friends.


Moony Knows It All

Author's Note: Hi guys! I love writing these little one-shots, and the marauders are really fun to write. I hope you enjoy it despite the length.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carol or the Disney version of the movie. The quote from Alice in Wonderland (the Disney version) is in italics.

-Forever Lily.

Remus couldn't help but wonder if he was living in a novel-perhaps a parody- because the antics of his friends certainly could have passed for the exaggerated antics of a character. Really, it was as if someone had been trying to tell him something. When he looked up from his book and mentioned this to Sirius and James they laughed.

"Mate, you think too much."

"Sometimes I think my mother was a seer. Think about it-I was named Remus after the brother of the mythical founder of Rome who was raised by a wolf."

"Coincidence."

"I don't know Prongs. My name means bright star-it's probably the only thing my mother was ever right about. Names mean something." Sirius plopped one of Bertie's Every Flavor Beans into his mouth and grimaced. Earwax.

For a moment James stared at Sirius. "How did you know that? You don't even do your homework. You wouldn't touch the door to library with a twenty foot pole!"

He threw a bean at James, hoping that it was a vomit flavored one and scoffed. "How dare you even suggest that I would _ever_ visit the library or do my homework! I'll have you know that my parents made me read when I was younger. Why do you think that I hate it so much now?"

Of course James caught the bean (his seeker reflexes had been honed well throughout the years.) Ignoring Sirius' remark, James added, "Names do have power, but only because of the person attached to it, not to the name itself. The reason we don't refer to You Know Who by his name isn't because of the name, but because we fear the person." He carefully chewed on it. "Cinnamon-better luck next time mate."

Remus voiced his musings without much thought, but rather regretted it then. He just wanted to get back to his book, but clearly that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. "You two are ridiculous. Why can't I can't I have peace and quiet just this once so that I can finish my book in peace. Just one day, is that really too much to ask?"

Wormtail walked in and grabbed the book from his hand. "Alice's Adventure in Wonderland? My Mother loves this book."

Bright red began to crawl up Remus' face, starting with his neck. The others just laughed. "You're the one who started the conversation in the first place, mate," James pointed out.

"You don't have to be so obnoxious about it!"

Peter directed a hurt expression towards Remus, "I thought we agreed-no big words on a Friday?"

"We never agreed on anything of the sort!" He protested. "Besides, if you think obnoxious is a big word, you could stand to have more comprehensive vocabulary. Don't be such an ignoramus!"

"Now you're just showing off!" Peter protested.

The werewolf smirked, "Why on Earth would I bother to aggrandize my vocabulary for you lot? You could not possibly appreciate a grandiloquent speaker such as me."

"Do you even know what _you're_ saying?" Sirius gawked.

"In essence I said why should I bother to show off my vocabulary for you lot? You could never appreciate such a good speaker. Ok, I'll admit that last word was a guess. I read it somewhere…but at least I try to broaden my vocabulary."

James put an arm around him. "But alas, your Quiddich skills are lacking, so you'd be loser without us."

"Maybe, but at lease I'd be able to sleep with both eyes closed and read a book in peace!" He argued.

Sirius put on his puppy dog face. "But moooony, I thought you like us. You like everybody and you're my friend!"

"I would like you more if you let me read."

Sirius shook his head stubbornly. "We refuse to allow you to waste any more of day on books, but I will give you a piece of my chocolate. Chocolate is the sincerest form of affection you know. I don't just share my chocolate with just anybody!"

Remus knew that was the closest that he would ever get to an apology from Sirius Black, so he took the piece offering and plopped into his mouth, savoring the rich taste of Honeyduke's chocolate.

"Alright, I might forgive you. But James and Peter on the other hand…"

"Look, we're really sorry that made you aggrand your vocabulary or whatever. We promise to never commit such a heinous act for the rest of the day."

Remus chuckled at the terrible apology (and the way he butchered the word aggrandized) and accepted it with a light bow. "Messer Moony accepts Messers Prongs and Wormtail's apology, and hopes that they see the error of their ways."

"Indeed we have, Mooney, indeed we have." Peter said and bowed.

"Now there's just one last thing…"

"What am I going to do now that you won't let me go back to my book?"

"Why don't you come and spend time with your friends, like a normal person."

"But I'm not a normal person!"

James put and arm around Remus's shoulder. "Just because you happen to have a furry little problem doesn't mean you're not like us."

"_You're_ not normal. Normal people don't charm other people so they can only croak like frogs for an four hour period." Remus pointed out.

"You're right Moony. Who wants to be normal anyway?"

"Besides, if I were normal I couldn't have my dashing looks." Sirius added.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say. But wait, there's just one more thing…"

"What's that?" Peter asked.

Remus pointed his want at Peter! "Disserimus! _I'm late for a very important date! No time to say hello good bye I'm late I'm late I'm late!_"

Peter went very pale and stared at him wide eyed. "What did you do to me?"

A smirk and a scary light appeared in Remus' eyes. "Every hour for the next few hours you'll run around the castle yelling that phrase."

"Why? What did I do?"

"You made fun of my book."

Author's Note:

Hi guys! This just sort of wrote itself. It's just a short, fun piece. I love writing these little one-shots!

-ForeverLily


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